


move on

by merlivy26



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:28:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29556351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlivy26/pseuds/merlivy26
Summary: me trying to imagine how danny would feel about roy's real love story back in 2016 & make my peace with it, i guessalso, this one is SAD
Relationships: Adore Delano | Danny Noriega & Bianca Del Rio, Jason Daniel/Bianca Del Rio
Kudos: 2





	move on

He got out of the club to catch some fresh air or maybe better to smoke a couple of cigarets. The day was coming to it’s end, a bright red sunset hinted that tomorrow’s gonna be hot and stuffily. The guy spotted his best friend standing outside almost immediately. Black tight jeans and dark green sweatshirt. His head was up to the sky as if he was trying to find a moon or at least some stars but unsuccessfully. Danny felt lonely this day, birthday of the one of his closest friends didn’t seem to excite him in any way. Conversely, he felt empty and hurt. He could manage to fake a smile while singing a birthday song along with Shane, he could hug Roy after gifting his a new pair of beats. He could fool others, but standing here on his own, he didn’t have to put on a happy mood. He could let it all out. Danny’s life was bright, but like a match flame, it was also felt so short. He could burn himself while lighting others, but he wasn’t able to warm anybody, to use the heat he got evenly. He either was dangerously hot or deadly cold. And maybe that was the reason he was alone. This gypsy life was something Danny has been proud for a long period of time, but once he got on drag race, it has become a torture. Loving someone for the first time in his life and not being able to be with that person. Cruel, painful, unfair. It was killing, turning his whole world upside down, destroying his soul and burning out his heart.

\- Danny! - Familiar voice called, making the guy look up. Roy was coming to join him down there. - You seemed awfully upset today, what’s wrong, chola? - The older man asked when the guy got closer. Danny couldn’t decide if he liked that thrilling feeling every time they got to be like that, face to face. He couldn’t decide if that trembling in his chest was giving him life or taking his energy away.

\- Really? Sorry, I’m fine, actually. Don’t think about it. - The guy traced his gaze down Roy’s shirt. - Is it Auntie Mame? - He smiled, looking up and catching the man’s eyes.

\- Yes, Jason got me this one. - His dark brown eyes brighten up at these words, causing Danny’s heart to shrink in his chest. Jason. That nice polite artistic and amazingly talented model-guy who was always happy and sugary-sweet. Danny felt really surprised, or better be said, really depressed, when during one of their top3 meetings about two years ago Roy introduced this guy as his boyfriend. He could never in a million years think he was Roy’s type. He was just way too perfect for Danny: always in a good mood, having a perfect body and a good fashion sense. Compared to him, Danny was a full mess. Eating unhealthy food, smoking weed, punk boy with dirty tights, forever like that in Roy’s mind. In any other situation, they would become friends, because, his jealousy aside, Jason was a brilliant person. But Danny couldn’t help comparing himself to his guy, which made all of his flaws seem bigger and worse than they actually were. Reminding, why Roy would never chose him. Even the age gap Jason and Roy had was smaller than Danny had with Roy. It was more decent, more appropriate. - By the way, how did your date go last night? - The older man tried to light up the obvious tense in between them. - I’ve just seen your chat with Shane on twitter.

\- Oh, right.. - Danny had no will to discuss his dates with the man, especially the one that failed so hard. - It went just fine.

\- Did it, huh? - Roy looked at the guy in disbelief, raising his brow.

\- Okay, maybe not so smooth. He kept talking about politics. - Danny chuckled. Their eyes cached up together, and then the smile fell from his face as he remembered all of the sadness, along with a joy, this man could make him feel.

\- Sure, listen, if you have something to say, just let it out, tell me. I don’t mind if it’s my birthday, it doesn’t mean my friends don’t need help today. And you are my friend, you can speak up about whatever is bothering you. - The older man’s voice was low and quiet, almost like a whisper in a silence of the coming night. It sent a shiver down the guy’s whole body but he didn’t show it. The way Roy could be, just like this, all caring and understanding, it was a distraction of Danny’s life, it was making his mind spinning and his heartbeat racing faster.

\- I guess, I just don’t want to live like this anymore. - The younger guy shrugged slightly.

\- What do you mean? - Roy moved closer, so their shoulders were touching. He looked concerned.

\- I love my new house, it’s big and cool and stuff. I used to not being able to wait till I spend those two months a year I can actually spend in there. I finally got to feel independent and responsible for myself, and free. But now, I’m kinda struggling because it’s so big. It’s also so empty. I’m coming home and I feel so lonely, so the only way out is to get high. The only way to feel that peace I need to have. And I know I’m probably a fucking addict by this time. I wish I could have someone. But at the same time, I’m such an impermanent person. I’m so afraid to fuck everything up. Not being responsible enough, I can hurt someone, not on purpose. - Danny’s voice got shaky as he tried to wipe the tears collected in his eyes. The next moment, he felt two arms wrapping around his shoulders, hugging him tight. The guy put his face into the dark green sweatshirt and let his urge to cry take over him.

\- You'll meet a person, Danny, the person you will fall in love with and you settle down and make it as you want it to be. Okay? - Roy pulled away to catch the guy’s gaze.

\- That’s the problem, actually.. - Danny couldn’t make himself look into his eyes, not at that time. - I am in love with someone.

\- It’s clearly not doing all good if it upsets you so much. Do you think it’s worth it? - The older man’s eyes narrowed as he took Danny’s chin and made him look up.

\- It’s worth everything. - He didn’t know what made him make such a stupid step: was it that sunset vibe or was it an electric air between their bodies. The guy leaned closer and pressed his lips into Roy’s. The warm and soft, and so wanted. Roy froze. But when Danny was ready to back up, ready to call himself defeated, he felt two hands on his waist and the older man’s lips moving in reply. When there was no air to suck in, Danny pulled away, not hiding his gaze, trying to recognize the hurricane of emotions in the man’s chocolate eyes. Surprise, fear, desperate and bitterness? His lips parted but he made no sound. - I’m sorry. I knew you’re not into surprises. - Danny whispered sadly, touching Roy’s jawline. - See, - his lips curved, - I can fuck things up within a few seconds.

\- You’re like a son to me, Danny.. - Roy replied, making it sound like a desperate excuse. He cupped the guy’s cheeks, his eyes were running up and down Danny’s face, praying that the guy would start laughing any second and say it was just a birthday joke. But he was just frowning, looking at him with his big green eyes full of tears, bitting his underlip, obviously trying to hold a sob. Suddenly, he made a step back, almost too edgy, and shook his head.

\- I know, it’s fine as long as you’re here when I need you. - At that point, he honestly didn’t know what else he could say to make less pathetic. Danny mentioned a tear streaming down Roy’s cheek as he heard the steps from around the building corner.. It was probably Jason, the guy recalled. - Happy Birthday, mama Bianca. - Roy’s lips curved in a light smile as he reached Danny’s palm and squeezed it. - Have a good night, Roy.

\- Good night, Danny. - The man replied gently. The painful feeling in the guy’s throat was chocking him as he released his palm and turned around, walking away, leaving Roy behind. Soon, he could hear Jason’s voice but was too far to get the words. Danny knew that the man made Roy happy, he could see it in his eyes. Maybe things would be different if he confessed his feelings for him a few years ago. But maybe he wouldn’t be able to break that wall between them. The wall of age difference and stereotypes. The thing they created together: he seemed like a foster child to Roy. He loved him too, but in a different way. And at that point Danny didn’t know what would hurt him more: being disliked by the older man or being like a son to him. And now, when Roy told him how he felt, it probably could get even worse.

When Danny was little, he dreamed about falling in love with a prince and living a happily ever after together along with their beautiful kids. He could never know falling in love would be so complicated and hurtful, and messy. No one told him that his prince would be more like a king: even more amazing and honorable, but too mature and already taken. So he decided to try, sitting inside if his car, squeezing the steering wheel, that was the day, finally, after all post drag race years, Danny decided to let go and move on.


End file.
